Ray Price Statue speaks out against cover up

The Statue at the centre of the Parramatta stadium cover up saga has chosen to break his three year silence and speak out against the A-league’s new football franchise, the West Sydney Wanderers, or as The Statue referred to them “The Wog Sydney Wanker-Deros.”

With talk of him being covered up for Wanderers’ match days, the statue felt it was his best chance to go public since being unveiled in 2009 and speak out. “I am here immortalizing an Immortal of Rugby League and these cocky upstarts are going to come onto my turf and pretend I don’t exist?” he stated with the kind of lifeless, deadpan delivery only a statue and Wayne Bennett are capable of.

“People think being a statue is such a glorious existence. Let me tell you, apart from match days, it is a very lonely old time” Bronze Ray continued. “What’s worse is, I am stuck here representing a man that everyone referred to as Mr Perpetual Motion. I mean, I’m saddled with some pretty intense irony there. Fortunately for me, most Eels fans think irony is something their missus has to do when they get a job interview.”

As well as feeling like a bit of a loner, the Ray Price Statue has also been through some tough times with a health scare to the actual Ray Price some time back. “For me, the early warning signs were there, so when the Doctors said bowel cancer, I didn’t even blink. That’s largely because my eyelids are cast in immovable metal, but also because of the fact that I hadn’t taken a dump in years, if ever. There had to be problems in the pipeline.”

When asked for his thoughts on the current crop of players, The Statue of Ray said, “You know, they are a disgrace to the jersey, particularly that Jarryd Hayne. You know one time after training he climbed up and took a piss right on my head. I hope he was at Woolies handing out his resumé, because when the actual Ray gets the top job that’s where Jarryd will end up.”

It is not only the statue that the Wanderers intend on covering up, as there is a lot of talk of removing some of the famous Paramatta blue & gold for match days. “Un-fricken-beliavable” The Statue exasperated when told of this development. “To cover this place in North Sydney Bears colours? In the words of John McEnroe, who has quite inconceivably never been immortalized in statue form, ‘You cannot be serious!!’”

“These round-ball-kicking-leg-clutching-pack-of-schoolgirls can cover me up for all I care. I’ll still be here when their team in just a brief memo in the Parramatta Stadium history books. I am here to stay but their days are numbered. I’ll still be here when the A-league is defunct, when Jarryd Hayne is a checkout chick, when Stephen Kearney is no longer the Eels coach… actually, even the ball boys will be here when Kearney is moved on and they select them from the Under 9’s mini Footy side every year.”

When asked of any potential coping mechanisms to get through this tough time, the Statue informed us that he had reached out to others that had faced similar predicaments. “I rang my old mate, the King Wally Statue, for some advice as he has been through all this before. But it wasn’t very helpful as all he kept saying was ‘Stat-ue Ray?’”

Bronze King Wally of little help


Posted on July 12, 2012, in league and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Dont write too many of these my appendix stiches just broke. Only thing missing was a fart joke….another beauty bottler!

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